your mom asks who i’m dating now and she’s folding her laundry drunk you take the rest of the bottle of wine and say we can walk to the party from here i try to tell you the stars above your house seem more clear and numerous than anywhere else without it sounding romantic but like the…
Elle Haswell's "Why are you so disgusted? I thought you hated short hair…", 2014 is clearly SO DIFFERENT than your "I thought you said you liked long hair...", 2012 series. I'm excitedly waiting for her take on "Thinking about wanting to be white in 2008 in 2013"
LMAOOOOOOOO IM SCREAMING I DIDN’T KNOW THAT WAS THE NAME OF HER PIECE OMG I CAN NOT SURVIVE
“I called in a bomb threat once ‘cause I heard Mark Harmon was staying at this hotel. I wanted to see him evacuate and then I stalked him for a year and hit his wife with my car.”—Gretchen, Bob’s Burgers